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At this stage of my life I cannot grow a moustache for Movember. I look like some sort of feral rodent. So to make up for this failing I’ve decided to write a post on testicular health, the genitals in general and some hints and tips – enjoy! Not only is testicular cancer on the rise, but testosterone levels have dropped dramatically as well as sperm production. In some countries the amount of sperm produced has dropped by 50% – god knows who’s been measuring that, the perverts.

Check em. After a hot bath or shower (everything down there relaxes) give them a good inspection, any lumps, discolouration – if anything looks suspicious or looks out of town get it checked out. Notice any differences in weight – one should be bigger and hang lower – one time in the pub my friend went round asking us all which one hung lower. I was mortified and I refused to answer.

If you cycle a lot more attention is needed. The heat in the pelvis area and bumps in the road equate to poor testicular health and create a good backdrop for cancer to appear. A properly fitted bike and padded shorts will help with this and ensure everything works when it needs to as cycling can affect how your genitals work when they are required – cough cough.

The T Word 

Testosterone is a chemical that is so important for guys, it plays a role in protecting your bones, building muscle, the sex drive and psychology.

Get out in the sun. A study by Boston State Hospital found 20 minutes in the sun boosted testosterone by 120%, but when Mr Bobo is exposed the sun – boom – there’s increase in 200%. Don’t let him burn – could you imagine?

Masculinity, Movember

Do not worry about increasing testosterone – you won’t turn into some violent monster. This idea came about due to a study conducted on mice that once they were castrated they didn’t fight with other mice. If someone castrated me, I’d maybe quiet down a little, I don’t know, perhaps because I’d be a bit traumatised? The findings from the test aren’t conclusive enough and yet a powerful stereotype emerged, testosterone = aggression, as all men have testosterone they must all be aggressive. What a joke. In fact a study on school boys found that those with lower levels of T were more aggressive and were just generally failing at life. But has this reversed the misconception that testosterone causes aggression, no. Men are all bastards!

Supplements for Libedo

If you’re going to the gym a lot (5 times a week or more) then your testosterone levels could be a bit shot. Adding herbs like Catuaba bark, Ashwagandha, horny goatweed (horrific name – apologies, apparently scientists were studying some goats and noticed when they ate this plant things got a little saucy) to your diet may be beneficial. Ideally you want to have 7 of these powerful herbs and cycle them so every Monday will be Catuaba, every Tuesday will be Ashwagandha etc then have a break and mix it all up. This is so the body doesn’t get used to them and they still remain effective.

Zinc is crucial for sexual health in terms of libido and fertility, common plant sources of zinc are nuts (especially cashews), legumes, seeds and oatmeal. Another little trick for sexual health is taking cayenne pepper. This spice is amazing for the circulatory system as it feeds arteries, veins and capillaries and makes them more elastic. As the penis has a fair amount of these things it stands to reason that it would benefit from some cheeky spice.


Reducing your contact to endocrine disruptors would also be wise. The endocrine system relates to the glands that produce hormones – you want this fairly chilled and as running smoothly as possible. BPA is a bad disruptor found in most plastics, canned food (the lining), till receipts and shower curtains (crazy I know). Shower curtains might not seem as risky as the others but when the steam comes into contact with the curtain BPA is released into the air. Another big one to look out for is parabens – found in most things cosmetic, so keep an eye out for paraben free products. Going veggie or buying grass fed meat/wild fish is also going to limit your exposure.

So there you have my quick guide to happy and healthy genitals.

Enjoy your week, happy Movember and I hope you put the information here to good use.

After completing a 2.1 in law and deciding a normal life was not for him, Michael worked in a soulless office for 9 months to raise funds to move to London. Once there he began to pursue his childhood dream of becoming a model. So far it seems to have paid off and he hasn’t looked back ever since.

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