I know the title is a bit of cliché and a bit cringe but bear with. A few things have inspired me to write this post today. I was speaking to an MUA (makeup artist – industry jargon) about where she’s worked in the past. She was telling me how she worked in a studio in a big shopping centre and one of the main things that used to annoy her was the fact that so many women came in and asked her to make them look like Kim Kardashian. Be yourself.
Another inspiration was people getting in touch with me via Twitter and Instagram and asking me how I look so amazing and stunning etc and ‘how can I look like you?’ I love hearing from you guys and I don’t take for granted any of the comments I receive but this made me uneasy. Bearing the two examples in mind I want to talk to you about how you view yourself, why we seem to idolise and place others above us and the torture we put ourselves through when we don’t live up to our own standards that society has dictated that we must have. Be yourself.
I honestly believe that everyone can/is beautiful in their own unique way. Everyone has some breath-taking feature even though they may not realise it. If you don’t see yourself as beautiful, then no you are not. Beauty is so much more then skin deep. How we speak, move, express ourselves, behave can be beautiful, it’s an attitude and a state of mind, and if you are there in the mirror thinking ‘I am not x enough,’ why? And who is telling you this? Your words create your inner reality, if they are horrible words then you are going to be in a horrible place. If you’re looking to up your game check out how to not look like a troll in the morning and hair care for men (and women).
If you don’t see yourself as beautiful then perhaps you need to redefine your idea of beauty and set some parameters so that you can fall into them. How you treat yourself and speak internally to yourself is so important. The most important relationship that any of us can have is the one we have with ourselves and it’s a long painful life if you are constantly putting yourself down and setting standards that you will never achieve.
Most people will never look like Kim Kardashian, so when you try to copy her, if you can’t achieve her looks you’re going to feel like a failure and why do you want to set yourself up like that? Isn’t that a form of self-harm? Also why do you want to look like Kim (or whoever) be brave enough to be you. I think we worship and copy celebrities because we find it easier to express ourselves and our unique message through copying them, it easier, less scary and everyone else is doing it. It’s a group mind thing.
Find your definition of beauty and make it work. If you don’t like something about yourself accept it or change it, doing nothing = punishing yourself, and why do you want to do that? Preferably accept it and if we’re changing something let’s stay grounded and keep it within the realms of possibility (I’m not promoting cosmetic surgery here)– think why are you changing this. Often what we think our flaws are usually are biggest strengths (think on this, try turning something on its head and see a positive in there).
My friend has a big hooked nose, and he hates it. Personally I think it looks great, it adds to his face and makes him stand out (in a good way). When you single something out it’s easy to make it look negative – because it has no context. His nose works for his face, he has big features, his nose doesn’t work for his perceptions. So change them – because it’s the only thing you really can change. Be yourself.
Looks fade and diminish, okay invest time in your appearance but let’s not get caught up in it. Make yourself a more rounded person so when the looks fade you’ve got other assets to play with. Also you can get used to looks and become immune to them, you can start to see past them and if there is nothing else going on behind the scenes you become old news.
I used to be vain, shallow and obsessed about how I looked (I’m not saying for one minute I’m perfect now). My hair was always my biggest downfall. I would see the male models, print a picture off and take it into my hairdresser and when the picture couldn’t emulated for more than 5 minutes once I’d paid and stepped out the door I’d feel pretty shitty about it. I eventually realised there’s more to life then mirrors and having modelesque hair.
There is a whole world out there and if the people who you surround yourself with can’t accept you when you look like you’ve been through the mill they aren’t worth having. Another big realisation occurred when I had my first professional photoshoot when I was 18. My mum was in the hairdressers and picked up Tatler magazine and the first page she opened was a competition in association with Storm. So I entered it and got through to the next round. There was big debate whether or not I’d go, where I lived the flights to London were expensive and my family is not wealthy by any standard. We scraped some money together and off I went to the capital and then I got through to the final.
The final consisted of a photoshoot that would feature in the Teen edition of Tatler. The location was at a huge manor house that was outside of London and the clothes were amazing. I think I wore Dior jeans (and I’ve never worn a pair quite like them since). Anyway I ended up winning that bad boy and got onto the cover of Teen Tatler only Storm wouldn’t uphold their end of the bargain – the small print only said there was a ‘possibility’ of a contract with them – cheeky. Being a student of law I should have checked that one out! When my mum went into the local magazine shop and asked if they stocked Tatler the lad asked ‘Tackler? Is that a fishing magazine?’ No. No it is not.
(For reasons unbeknownst to me the above picture likes to rotate. If you are viewing it in its upright intended position – congratulations).
Back to the point – me and my hair looked amazing but only because there was a specialist team that were paid to do this. The amount of time and products used it was impossible to not look good. The shoot took place outside and every time the wind blew a can of hairspray was whipped out and everything was set straight. The picture doesn’t say that though. Models look so good because it’s their job, they have the time and money to look good, they have a team of people who are trained to make them look good, there is clever lighting used, and finally there’s a good photographer taking the pictures at the right angles and who edits them to perfection. It isn’t reality so don’t make it yours.
Be brave, dare to be you, because we are all different and why should you copy someone else and aspire to be like them. Everyone has a unique expression so express it and don’t stifle it with what’s on trend. Be yourself.